As Autumn turned 1 and now is approaching the age of 2 (in October), I have been getting questions from everyone:
"soooo, when are you going to have another sweet baby?"
"You and Jason have the most adorable little girl, when is the next one going to come?"
"Is Autumn going to be a big sister any time soon?"
AAAAND the list of questions goes on...I promise.
Most of the time, I take the questions with understanding of their love and interest in my family. But today has just been a hard day.
I had so many sarcastic responses just wanting to explode out of my mouth:
"Actually we just tried a couple days ago. Fingers crossed those swimmers made it!"
"well I should be ovulating tomorrow sooo.. I let you know how it goes!"
"the moon and stars are aligned, so I am racing home to my husband now!"
the desperate side of me wants to lie, make up a child growing in my womb, name and all, and have a weekly count down for it!
I know The Lord looks out for me. And even when I was told children wouldn't be in my future,(even doctors telling me I didn't need a contraceptive when getting married because my uterus was one... yeah, that really happened. Ironically the doctors name was Dr. Adolf)... the Lord gave me the sweetest 21 month old miracle. After 3 years of hoping the doctors were wrong so long ago, Autumn was born. Many doctors were shocked and surprised that I conceived naturally with Autumn. After I had her, everyone was telling me how much easier it was going to be having more now, since I have one. I actually was happy, thinking that I might actually get to plan when the next one would come.
Jason and I have been trying for a year now to expand our family. And it looks like it might be just as hard to get pregnant this round as it was with Autumn... or maybe Autumn is it? I don't know what the Lord has in store for our family.
As I sat today having a moment of self pity, I thought about my day:
-Autumn went to bed last night at 7pm and woke up at 10:40am today. I got such an amazing sleep in!
-She played happily all morning! She splashed and giggled during bath time. Cleaned up all her toys in the bath and said "up please" when she wanted to get out.
-She entertaining her sick cousin Jade giving her kisses and attention until Jade cried with exhaustion(it had been a couple days without Jade and Autumn was a little excited to have her back!).
-She had quiet time for 2 hours in her crib while I did some Little Shneebs orders (she slept in real late today. I knew she wouldn't nap, so I gave her some quiet time instead with book in her crib)
-Played some more with Jade and then nicely asked if she could go in her pool on the deck. After I told her she could go, she raced into her room, grabbed her bathing suit and sunscreen and brought them out to me.
-She had a blast in her deck pool... or should I say bucket? She was in the bucket more than the pool today. Thought it was so much fun to fill the bucket and then get into it and watch the water rush out because of the water displacement! haha.
-She had a major meltdown in the pool while face timing cousin Capri and Auntie Marci... like a major meltdown where she lost her pool privileges for the night and had to come in to get dressed for bed.
She cried and cried while I wrestled her pjs on. Where it usually takes a minute, it took at least 5. For a little girl, she is surprisingly strong!
Temper tantrums are fun....
-But then she settled down and we read scriptures and said prayers. It made the 15 minute meltdown today seem so small.
I have a little girl who loves reading her scriptures (picture version). As she fanned through the pages, she stopped and pointed to each picture with Jesus (Which is a lot because we are reading the New Testament right now lol. She lit up and said, "Jesus!!" whenever she saw him in each drawing. Then she had to kiss each picture with Jesus in it. After we closed the book she said, "nigh nigh Jesus"
She loves saying her prayers!
She folds her arms and covers her eyes with one hand trying to keep her eyes closed as she prays. As I say her prayer with her, she whispers sweet nothings trying to copy what I am saying.
Moments like this simply melt my heart.
I yearn to have another child. Heck I want 12! But I will take and love what the Lord gives me. We all have our trials in life and one major one for me is having a difficult time getting pregnant.
But as I watch my sweet baby sleep, waiting 3+ years for a little angel from heaven doesn't seem that long at all.
If Autumn is the only princess I have the honour to raise, I'll take it. For she is pretty great.
Life is good.